i've always been a pretty thin girl (the above pics were taken before my weight gain)...until this year, i feel as though i've become something i no longer recognize anymore. i haven't felt comfortable in my own skin for a while. i no longer like to have my picture taken...i cringe at the thought...when i made plans to meet camille, i shuddered at the thought of her taking photographs of me...and in fact, i asked her not to post the photo of us she had taken...because "i looked like a beached whale"...i'm definitely not proud of the way i feel...in fact, it's been weighing on me a lot lately...i've been thinking that i really need to change my attitude. how can i be any sort of role model for young girls who are so impressionable and so prone to eating disorders, because of people like me?! it makes me so sad...
so instead of feeling embarrassed or ashamed of this body of mine...i need to be thankful for it...yes, i've gained a few pounds...i had sciatica for a year...and was on pain meds and could barely move...but this body of mine was strong enough to get out of bed every morning...and no matter how much pain i felt...and how badly i wanted to amputate my right leg...it kept on going. it never shut down. i was able to live every day to the fullest...with a few "cry" breaks...i was able to drive to work...i was able to cook...and function normally...my body is strong. and regardless of the extra weight, it's a beautiful gift, and i need to cherish it...and in return it takes care of me. this body of mine...managed to kick sciatica in the butt...we worked together...and it happened. now that is what i call a strong perfect body. and i am so thankful for it. weight, well, weight comes off...with a little work my body can be what it use to be...but honestly, at the end of the day, weight doesn't make me the person that i am...i know this. and i hope to carry this with me everyday...and i hope to keep this new found love i have for myself until the very end of my days here on earth...
i am thankful for this body that my soul lives in because it is an incredible vessel...and i will never ever shun it...it is with me until the very day i die...and i need to embrace it. it has been very good to me. it has helped me through many sicknesses...and injuries...it has battled much stress...and it's gotten me through very hard times...and it's been with me through the good times as well...it's never failed me. ever. and for this, i am thankful...and forever indebted to my body.
veganism. i am so happy and proud to be vegan. i have never enjoyed my food so much. being a vegan brings me such joy and such happiness. i became vegan a year ago. during my sciatica days. i did a lot of research, and realized that most of the food i was eating was so destructive...and inflamed my insides. so, i decided to eat anti-inflammatory foods...which lead me to veganism. people ask me everyday if i miss meat...cheese...butter...milk...and i say, with such conviction..."no, i do not miss any of it"...how can anyone miss animal products, when they can eat what i eat everyday? food rich in nutrients and vitamins...kind food...environmentally friendly food...beautiful colourful food...and it is such a joy to create such beautiful dishes...with the earth's bounty. we live in such a beautiful world...with so much to offer...i wish every human being could feel the way i feel...and help me save this beautiful world...however i am not a preacher...and i know i will never be able to change or better the world, so i mind my own business and do my part...what i don't appreciate is when other people try to push their meat eating ways on me...i don't do it to you, so why feel the need to preach my way? i am grounded. i will never budge. i am proud of what i am. i am thankful for this way of life. and i will be a vegan until the very day i die...
food love. like i said...how can anyone want to eat a steak...when they can eat this...
raw vegan
avocado caesar salad with coconut bacon and hemp sunshine burger, hummus and cracks on the side...
banana flax crepes, nutella, whipped cashew cream and strawberries (i subbed sprouted chia for the flax)
brazil nut banana pancakes, nutella, cashew whipped cream, strawberries and berry sauce
and last but never least...a cooked vegan meal...pizza...with daiya cheese...tomato basil sauce, zucchini, tempeh bacon and green olives...YUM!
have a beautiful night...
p.s. if anyone in the toronto area, or the gta would like to join our vegan patio party this saturday afternoon...please let me know...
Love the food porn. Vegan food porn is the best!
ReplyDeleteI have felt the same way at times. It is very hard on us ladies, weight fluctuates due to hormones and stress, we are held to an unreasonable ideal, it is a lot to take in. If you truly feel you are being healthy you can learn to love your body. I am still working on it. You are way ahead of me there! Thank you for sharing this and feeling comfortable with sharing your pics. I always look at how happy the person looks versus the body size.
Oh now I adore you girlie! You touch my heart with those honest thoughts and feelings - i can sooo relate to everything you've said - ive struggled with body image and always return to the reminder that I am extremely fortunate to have a perfectly functioning body. I can walk, run, move! It's sad that media has taught us our bodies must be skin and bones in order to be beautiful and worthy. The truth, I've learned, is that no matter what our weight, we are soo worthy!
ReplyDeleteThree cheers to you! Thanks for sharing!
And amazing food, as always! Cant wait to dig in with you! XOXO
oh nelly. thanks for this post. i've had more than enough of struggling with body image and your positive outlook makes me really happy (the thoughts that your body is functioning and carrying you through life). you're brave for being positive.
ReplyDeleteps. the pizza with daiya and tempeh bacon looks soooo good...
I have so felt those feelings before. It's sad, but I think many of us have!! We just have to remember that as our body changes, we are still the same person and as beautiful as ever!
ReplyDeleteSending you loads of hugs across the pond!!! This post really touched me, and humbled me, and filled me with appreciation and strength. Thank you SO much for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteWeight is such a tricky subject isn't it. I often have a similar battle- the blog posts that I write about my body, feminism and self-esteem often come from those moments when I'm dissatisfied with my body weight or my IBS and desperately want to be other than that- when I want to be a good role model, and embrace what is greater than my earthly vessel.
You are beautiful and strong Nelly. And veganism is beautiful and amazing and I'm never leaving it either :) My struggle with veganism occurs in my moments of weakness when I have sweets containing gelatine but I'm getting there. By my 1 year vegan anniversary I want to have a 100%, no compromise, vegan diet.
LOVING the food porn. I'm so buying a dehydrator this summer
xxxxxxxxx
P.S. Tom and I are planning a trip to the US in the summer and we may pop into Toronto. You'll have to recommend some hot spots if we visit :)
This is the right attitude! That is part of our journey probably, ignoring our surrounding in certain questions, and following our own path. It's a big challenge. I perfectly understand and know how it is when people want to force you eating in their way (or in my situation though they accepted it, but they blame me now for my boyfriend's weight loss, what is funny because he looks just great and very sexy), but at the meantime they are suffering of several health issues. You should no worry about your weight, because on this path I'm sure that will be solved too. It's great that you are that strong, you have the self confidence, and if not in the neighborhood, in the world somewhere there are alike souls :))
ReplyDeleteThis blogging thing is just great isn't it? It's a pity, I'm not able to join your party in Toronto, it's hard to find alike people here in Hungary anyway, but that 's one of my challenges :)
Hope to be able to be there once!
Great hug to your vizsla as well!
What an honest,heartfelt post. It does seem to be true that women are held to quite a standard regarding weight (and age, and how we look in general). I know how just a few pounds can make me feel uncomfortable in my body. But, I also want to say that I took a look at Camille's blog and you're stunning ... just gorgeous.
ReplyDelete... even more stunning & gorgeous because of following your heart and being vegan :)
and
:::sigh::: I love food porn ...
xoxo
Lovely post! It's so crucial to remember that bodies are here to carry us healthily through life -- NOT to meet aesthetic criteria that are unfair.
ReplyDeleteGirl, that was such a beautiful post and I have felt the same way before. I think it also has to do with the pressure society places on women. I'm still working through the same things at the moment. I love the photo of you and your dog...so precious! Enjoy your day Sweetie!
ReplyDeleteHey Honey Bunches, I can totally relate! I've always been quite small, then when I got crohn's I got smaller.. then bigger because of steroids. My weight goes up and down 10-20lbs everytime I take steroids. Before I got pregnant I still had steroid weight to lose and now I've got pregnant weight on top of it. I'm with you on working on it. I hope to get it off after baby, but I'm not going to let it get me down and not allow me to enjoy my life. You are gorgeous, embrace it!! :) Yummy for porn too!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful, honest and touching post. I think so many women feel exactly the same way you do. I know I have over the years. You're so amazing to have adopted such a strong and positive attitude and rejecting the twisted messages that popular culture and advertising force upon us! I'm working on doing the same thing... focusing what I like and what my body can do, for instance, instead of things I dislike.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I thought you were totally beautiful and perfect when we met (even more so because you're vegan - yay)! And you look great in the photos. But I totally understand the photograph feeling though, there are tons of pics of me over the years I hate (particularly from university years when I was was less healthy).
And thanks for the food porn! Awesome that you made the crepes and the pancakes... they both look so awesome. Sooo excited for our get together on Saturday.
xoxoxo
Yeah!!! I love days where I can truly remind myself of how wonderful my body is and stop being so negative to it, that's a much more fun way to live
ReplyDeleteall of you women are truly beautiful. you have no idea how much your comments mean to me. wow.
ReplyDeletethank you so much for your beautiful and touching comments...it's so nice to know that i am not alone in the world...it definitely makes this struggle so much easier...
hugs all around!!!
<3
Nelly - do not be so hard on yourself...you are beautiful inside and out!!! I know it is hard to look past a few extra pounds, I am dealing with that too. I thought doing Insanity i would lose some weight...and gain more definition so to speak, but I feel I look the same ; ( But then I remember that I cannot put this type of stress on me because my body knows and will hold onto everything...so I have to learn to let go of negative talk. And do as you said...be grateful and feel blessed for the body I do have!
ReplyDeleteI want those pancakes...NOW!!! YUM! ; )
xoxo
you are a beautiful beam of light no matter what size you are, nelly bean!
ReplyDeletei know how you feel. i have been critical of so many aspects of my body, from feeling too thin to too chunky, but like you, i am learning to appreciate this vessel that is allowing me to experience the five sense world. life is a blessing and that feeling can be lost when we're caught up in aesthetics. so glad you posted this, and so glad you healed your sciatica!
i'm proud of your veganism, too! your food looks great. yum yum YUM!
xoxoxo
Hey Lovely! What a powerful post. Society's eyes are so critical and they can make us paranoid. I love how you want to be a great role model (you are!) and love the way you said our bodies are our "vessel." Such a wonderful way of looking at our bodies. I still hear that little voice sometimes that says "you don't look like her" "you need to lose weight" etc but I try to fight back and stuff that voice with positive self talk because life is too short!
ReplyDeleteThose pancakes..oh my gosh..Now..please!!
Those crepes are delish too..and the salad!
Keep the kitchie picts coming..soo good!
Have a fabulous time on your patio party. Wish I could be there:(
Thank you so much for this inspiring post Nelly. I can truly relate, as I'm sure a lot of women can..we put a lot of pressure on ourselves about our bodies but we lose sight of what really matters. Our bodies help us function, breathe, live, get through every day and allow us to be here on this beautiful planet to spend time with the ones we love. We need to cherish every second and stop getting caught up in things that simply don't matter. You are such a beautiful person in every single way, and I hope you can see that. Your words always touch my heart.
ReplyDeleteIn my mind, happiness is a huge part of being healthy...and I think the fact that you are so enamoured with your vegan diet and that it brings you so much joy gives you that much more health and vitality...plus it can't hurt that you are benefitting from all the beautiful nourishment that comes from vegan/raw vegan diet. You are doing amazing things for your health and life really is too short to get caught up in minor details. Live for today, be happy, do what makes you feel wonderful. Make every day count! <3
This is a lovely post. First, I love the way you describe vegan food. We are so lucky to have such healthy choices, there are many who do not. And the body image thing. Oh, it's been a struggle. But I've become healthier over time and I've gained a new perspective, like you, and I'm learning to value my body for everything that it gives me: healing, energy, and four limbs that work. Thanks for such an honest, personal post :)
ReplyDeleteMuah! I love you dear Nelly! Your honesty is appreciated and refreshing. I only find you more beautiful as a result. And you're so right about our bodies. I should be more thankful for mine instead of wishing it was different. I'm healthy. I've rarely had any major issues so what's my complaint really. Anyway, you're a beautiful soul and loved your words. Words I can draw inspiration from and be reminded of. So thank you. And of course, the food pics only delight me more! Mmmm!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the very inspiring post. Your thoughts have definitely touched us all:)
ReplyDelete