Thursday, July 29, 2010

leaving on a jet plane...

this little tib bit was written very early this morning:

"oy! i woke up with butterflies in the pit of my soul...and just this nagging anxiety...i hate makes me feel almost nauseous...but not's really hard to sweetheart is on his way to vegas at the moment...and i'm left with disappointment and some sadness...why disappointment? well...i can't help wondering what is wrong with me? why am i so afraid to fly? i dream of seeing the world and all of its wonders...but how does one do this when they can't get their big behinds on a plane?

i should be on that plane with him. there is absolutely no reason that i left myself behind...and he is on his way to another country without me. i'm just upset with myself. extremely. i want to experience the world with him. yet...with this incredible fear, i never will..."

now...i feel a sense of calm...i'm ok...and i know that everything happens for a reason...i am not meant to go on that trip with him...he was meant to go with his best-friend. and not for any other reason except they need to spend time together, and his best friend is getting married, so it's kinda like a mini bachelor party, kinda like "the hangover" (but hopefully with all of their teeth)...and i need to stay home and hang out with jackson and some toronto girls...and it's my mother's birthday on sunday, so i need to be here and celebrate it with her...her family means the world to her...and i know that my presence will make all the difference in the world to her...javascript:void(0)

i wanted to uncook up a storm tonight...but i realized i don't have all of the ingredients and i want to use all of the i'll be posting food tomorrow...

i'd be very interested to hear what you all have to say with respect to your fears and fear in general and how you cope with them...and let me know how your week has turned out...this weekend is a long weekend for us canadians...and i am so looking forward to sleeping in on monday...and i AM SOOOOO looking forward to picking up my sweetheart on sunday...i already miss him...(love you bubba, hope you're getting drunk on the plane and having a fabulous time...bring home some money if you can...hehe)...

have a beautiful night my beautiful friends...


  1. My precious girlie... your fears are understandable. We all have them - different things, to different degrees... and I think we don't always know how far back these things stem ;)
    You are so brave - you're conscious of your fear, and I KNOW you'll conquer it and be flying in no time! First flight will be up to see me, of course ;) I'll be waitin for ya!
    Love you!

  2. Fear...oh yes I have lots of fear! Just know you are not alone, and just Heathy said, you are so brave!!


  3. Awwww ya'll look so cute together!

    And I'd offer advice, but I myself can't deal with my own fear and anxities....that's why I have xanax LOL

    And the other 1 thing that helps me cope is my no help there either.


    But look forward to what you cook up!

  4. yes, if you were meant to go, you would have gone!

    counting my breaths helps me when scary thoughts take over. and singing! i used to be terrified of sharks but i loved waterskiing, so i'd sing while i was waiting in the water. (i was in the river, where there are no sharks, mind you!=)

    you're a brave girl. thank you for sharing - it helps to know we are not alone!


  5. facing fears takes time and courage. you CAN do it, when the time is right. do not be mad at yourself that you were not ready yet. no one is perfect. i hope john has a good time and you continue to be calm and centered at home.

  6. I also have a fear of flying. I avoid it at all costs. Once I went up in a tiny plane with my husband and his uncle. I cried most of the time as we flew over the beautiful Martha's Vineyard. I got no enjoyment out of it what so ever.
    On larger jets I still panic, but try to escape in my mind, and I pray pretty much the entire time. I just have to trust and know that I am being cared for. When I surrender my fears, everything is ok; it's when I try to control them that they escalate.

  7. you are the 3rd person in like 2 days i have read about that has a huge fear of flying..had no idea hon but know that we all have something that scares us to death!!! (((hugs to you)))) for being courageous and admitting your fear to everyone..i hope it helps you find some peace with things!!!

  8. you and your sweetie are so cute!!!

    Yes, I definitely have fears. We all do! Some are stronger than others. Some we can "deal with" and some are debilitating. The fact that you are so aware of your fear and truly want to get over it shows that you WILL get over it. It will take work, but after that first flight it can only get easier!! I know you will see the world! xoxox

  9. What a lovely picture of you and your sweetheart.

    Massive HUGS to you! Thank you for being so honest. Anxiety sucks and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. I love the paragraph where you look on the bright side, that's awesome. One day you'll get there honey, and it'll be awesome!

    I have a fear of open water and I once went snorkling with friends. I was beside myself! But because I knew they loved me and trusted them I faced my fear and went into the sea and snorkled. It was so worth it. But it took me a while and it wasn't a phobia like your flying phobia, mine was just an anxiety.

    Can't wait to see what you're uncooking up!

    And yes, you MUST visit Wales with me one day. It'll be awesome. How amazing would it be to have an international blogger meet up! I'll happily fly to the US if you can't come over here. It's a shame we're not going via Toronto on our US trip in August so I can join all you lovely ladies. Next time hopefully!

    Love ya! xxx

  10. Nelly! I agree, everyone has some fear they just cannot shake (although, we wish we could). I have a sort of fear of swimming in open, fresh water (with fish!), just like Sarah (GF vegan) but I tried swimming this weekend in Tobermory and it wasn't as bad as I'd thought (although it was scary - eee!). No worries girl, we've all been there; keep on smiling! :)

  11. Lovely photo of the two of you :)
    I can't imagine what it must be like for you - my mum put me on a plane when I was just a few weeks old, so I guess that paved the way for many trips to come ;)
    Maybe you should think about seeing a therapist for it? The world is too beautiful to miss out on! But it will happen when the time is right...
    Have a wonderful long weekend, I'm sure your mum is in for a treat! xxx

  12. Hey Lovely! Love that picture of you and John!!!
    I know lots of people who are very afraid of flying so you are not alone!! I fear a lot of things...big things and little things. One of those is heights. If I have to cross something very high my body literally becomes tingly and my heart races. Ry is very good in coaching me but still I wish I could just go out and do things (not dangerous or anything) on my own. I also have a fear of introducing myself to new people. I literally will go hide. I so badly want to network but I'm afraid of being shot down:(
    I love how you said everything happens for a reason...and I believe that too! I wish you could have gone but I see that he is going with something whom he may not have the chance to do so in the future.
    Can't wait to see your creations!!!
    PS I'm going to make Kraut tonight at my aunt's house. We are German so she is teaching me "their" way of making it LOL! We are even using cabbage that she grew:)
    Have a lovely long weekend!! I'm working this Monday so that I can get the next Monday off.

  13. Awww! Sending you love, I am not a big fan of flying either, so I understand!!! I hope he wins some moola! ;) XOXO

  14. I have a fear of everything. Not so much flying probably because I have not had a opportunity to fly in many years. I have worked for 40 plus years on overcoming my fears. I've done quite well I might add. Work on it and trust that there's plan for you and it doesn't include this fear.
    Peace Cynthia

  15. I'm sorry that you're not going on the trip, but I think you have a really good way of looking at it in that maybe you aren't meant to go. I am also not a huge fan of flying, but I usually get through it somehow. However, I do know what it is like to be so afraid of something that you can't do it and its almost debilitating and has an effect on your life. I've definitely had that. I'm always kind of ashamed to admit this, but I used to flat out refuse to drive a car because I was so terrified. When I was 16 and all my friends were so excited to be driving, I was secretly crying and feeling like there was something wrong with me. To this day, I am afraid, but I'm a lot better than I used to be. It takes time and effort, but phobias can be overcome if you really put your mind to it and truly want to do it. Either way, don't feel badly about it. Like you said, things are working out the way they are meant to and everything will be okay. Hope you have a great weekend!

  16. Yes, of course we all have fears, and don't like to be outside of our comfort zone. Just do what you are comfortable with at the time. {{{hugs}}}

    Wishing your Mom a very happy birthday!

  17. Wouldn't that be so awesome if John won lots?! Woo hoo! Sorry about your fear of flying. Fears are never fun but something we all have. I despise creepy crawly things but will deal with them if I have to in the moment but it really terrifies me and freak me out. I have a fear of public speaking too so you won't see me on any motivational circuit! I love you nelly girl. Don't worry. I can't wait to see what you whip up in the kitchen. Enjoy your mama's b-day! And I agree with everyone else the pic of you and john is cute. :)

  18. Yes, really cute pic of you and john! sorry about the fear of flying...takes a lot to admit it. I'm sure you'll be flying in no time.. Hang in there! Hope you have a marvy week! :)

  19. Nelly, sometimes a fear of flying can be caused by a slight problem with the vestibular system of the ear and/or very slight depth perception and visual issues. It's not necessarily always something "psychological." If you tend to feel very dizzy when flying that may be why ... xoxo